Is online dating a more permissible option for Muslims?

Ammal Hassan

A user opens up the MuzMatch app. (Photo/Ammal Hassan)

The Muslim dating app Muzmatch has one of the boldest taglines in the world of online dating: “Muslims don’t date – they marry.”

In one breath the statement encompases the views of Musim scholars’ Islamic interpretation of dating: unless it is done the right way, it is haram–forbidden by Islamic law.

With the onslaught of the COVID-19 pandemic last March, Muzmatch saw a massive surge in use, with a 45% increase in user downloads globally within the week of March 15 to March 22 2020. The app can be argued to have shown young Muslims a more halal–or permitted_way to form romantic connections online rather than in person. However, with cities opening up as COVID infection rates subside and populations receive their vaccines, will young Muslims continue meeting each other online?

That is the question that many Muslims are asking but the answer is not at all clear. It turns out that there are both advantages and disadvantages to the new dating technology. Some say that these apps are certainly more halal because of the way in which they limit physical contact, some say there are still ways to sin through the usage of the app.

Most agree, however, that the apps are certainly convenient. How permissible they are, ultimately all comes down to the intention of users.

Fahmida Rashid is a Long Island native who self describes as a “kind of quirky, weird person.” She believes her personality and unique sense of humor do not come across as well online as they do in person. But the pandemic forced her to limit her social interactions, so she took a chance on meeting a partner through dating apps like Muzmatch.

Now though, she and many others prefer to revert back to dating in person.

“I think I do prefer dating in person – have I done that before, or have experience with that? That’s probably a no,” Rashid, 27, said, “[but] like going to the mosque, or like going to events, going for yoga, going to things I like and just trying to meet people that way, so that there’s at least a commonality.”

In Islam, modern, Western definitions of dating should not exist. Islamic rules dictate a man and a woman should not be left alone for fear of committing physical sin. In fact, the Prophet Muhammad once said “whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them.” Therefore, instead of modern ideas of dating, Islam encourages “dating” as a chaste, focused courtship with the purpose of marriage, which is not just between two people, but also with their families involved.

According to Islamic teachings, that is what should exist, however, despite the rulings, many Muslims have still dated alone, without the involvement of families and not always with the purpose of marriage. Apps like Muzmatch have tried to change this and create a more acceptable way for Muslims to date and marry.

Through the Muzmatch nature of being online, its marriage-focused marketing enables couples to add a third person to their private chat, the app caters to three important islamic rules around dating:

  1. It must always be done with the purposes of marriage.
  2. A mahram or chaperone must be present while a man and a woman get to know each other for marriage.
  3. By being online men and women do not risk the chance of pre-marital sexual relations.

Salams (formerly Minder) is another Muslim dating apps that has halal-friendly features such as a “stealth” mode where a user can pick who sees their profile. Both apps offer the option to have your photos blurred in an effort to guard modesty, a virtue that is highly encouraged in Islam. In effect, these newer Muslim dating apps create an experience more in line with Islamic practices, and Muzmatch founder Shahzad Younas agrees.

“The app is quite unashamedly, for Muslims looking to find a life partner, you know, and it’s quite unashamedly not if you’re just looking to date or mess around.” said Younas. “We make it quite clear, even when you build up your profile, of what isn’t acceptable.”

While the experience may be close to Islam, the reality for many Muslims can be quite different.
“I may be a cynic, but I think it’s a little bit naive to think that it makes [dating] more halal because in my experience, it hasn’t,” said Rashid.

This is not the case for all Muslims who began using dating apps during the pandemic. Halima Aweis, a Muslim woman from Rochester, whose videos on her experiences using dating apps like Muzmatch and Salams, are popular on Tik Tok amongst many other young Muslims. For Aweis, the pandemic showed her a more halal and convenient way to date, especially with long-distance, which she prefers. Aweis says that she intends to stick to Muslim dating apps even as New York opens up from pandemic restrictions.

“Because of not being able to be around each other in person for long periods of time, the fact that the vast majority of your communication is virtual, whether it’s on FaceTime or on the phone, and that you’re kind of limited because of proximity because your ‘x thousand’ miles away, you’re not given the opportunity to do lots of free mixing and engage in things that like aren’t permissible,” she said.

The benefit of these apps, as the six people interviewed for this story have agreed, is that it is certainly a convenient way to meet potential partners. Chastity McFadden, a Muslim woman who both converted to Islam and tried out Muslim dating apps during the pandemic, found that the apps broadened her reach.

“I think what apps could do is help you date outside of your small circle, which tends to be like, one culture, one area, one idea of what Islam is and sometimes that [is hard to do] in your space, so finding people that don’t exist in that space might make it actually easier,” said McFadden.

The apps certainly do their best to try to create a halal environment, but at the end of the day, it all ultimately comes down to the intent of users – a point that Younas was sure to make.

Farwah Sheikh, a nutritionist and host of Spill the Chai podcast, which discusses dating as a Muslim, adds onto this by explaining that connecting on dating apps still holds some haram elements as they are based off of physical attraction, but what comes of that is the intention of users.

“You are swiping based off of someone’s aesthetic, like right off of their physical appearance, because you’re attracted to them to some extent and then the conversation can lead to a place where when you do meet you do want to become physical because you’ve built up that [attraction],” said Sheikh, “or, it really just eliminates that physical factor [of meeting] and you just get to know someone and then you know you move from there – I think it’s the intention of the person, of how they’re going in talking to somebody.”

Though some may argue that dating online is still a much more innocent option than dating in-person because of the reduced risk to physically sin, Salwa Ameen a Muslim marriage life coach said that dating digital does not actually reduce the risk of sinning. Conversation on the app may still be inappropriate, including the exchange of elicit photos.

Because of the subjective nature of human intention, despite the apps’ purposes to create a more halal environment for dating, many Muslims, particularly women, have had to deal with inappropriate advances. Because of this they agree with Rashid’s point of view.

Sanjida Rashid, who is the twin-sister to Fahima and has used several Muslim dating apps, spoke about how her own personal experiences with inappropriate behavior on the apps is what makes her prefer prefer dating in person.

“In person I feel that there’s still a level of decorum, but online, people feel brave enough to say whatever they want,” Rashid, 27, said. “I had one guy straight up ask me to send nudes and it’s like I just couldn’t even believe I was on a Muslim dating app.”

In addition to this, more features like the option for a chaperone or the option to blur a user’s photos do exist to allow a user to make their experience more halal, however, they are optional.

Rashid also expressed that though the feature of a chaperone was not available to her while she was using the Muslim dating apps, she would not have opted for the feature anyway because for her, privacy is necessary from the beginning.

“I don’t know who the chaperone would be, whether it would be my parents or my sister, but I just feel that’s weird because when you put a third person in the circle, it changes the dynamics of the communication,” she said.

Further, many Muslims believe that dating in person is the way to go simply because it is the best way to truly know the other person.

“I think the apps have this way of hiding who people fully are and you can’t understand even simple things like if your energies mesh well,” said McFadden. “It’s easier to hide the bad stuff about yourself on an app than it is in person.”

As things stand, many Muslims plan to revert back to dating in-person, however, the convenience of the apps has shown to be beneficial. For that reason Ameen believes that even with more people dating in person, dating online is still here to stay.

“I don’t think that seeking a partner online will ever really go away,” said Ameen.